Our Ichigo Ichie

There’s a Phil Connors in each one of us — that disenchanted, weary, and self-absorbed version of ourselves who, at some point, has felt hemmed in by the daily grind. We navigate our days as though they were one long-playing record on repeat.

This feeling of endless, predictable routine breeds a helplessness and cynicism that threatens our sense of being and self worth. But it is precisely this despair that is challenged by two Japanese sensibilities called mono no aware and ichigo ichie.

In the movie Groundhog Day, Phil is a cynical weatherman who finds himself stuck in a time loop in Punxsutawney. He lives February 2nd over and over — according to fan theory, approximately 12,000 days or almost 33 years in total — and remembers each passing day with unfailing clarity.

At first, he treats everything and everyone with his characteristic indifference and condescension, intent on only chasing after his self-indulgence and whims. Soon, though, it strikes him that nothing really matters, whatever he does. He falls into existential despair and attempts to end his life numerous times, hoping he would just die and escape the endless cycle.

We are all familiar with the monotony of life portrayed in the movie. In fact, it is a mirror of what we have, at times, experienced ourselves — the feeling of confinement that plagues our consciousness when our routines seem to blur into a hazy succession of days. We get lost in the predictable tedium of our lives: beset with the familiar, preoccupied with prosaic concerns day in and day out.

It comes to a point when we entertain thoughts that the repetition in our daily lives makes things meaningless. Why bother? In the beginning of the movie, that’s what Phil Connors also thought. But somewhere between his angst and introspection, he finally realizes that the opposite of what he thinks is actually what is true.

The Japanese call this gentle perception of transience mono no aware, a sensitive understanding that all things pass briefly. Intertwined with this is ichigo ichie, the acceptance that every encounter happens only once and will never come again. Both stand as core concepts of Japanese aesthetic and sensibility.

Literally translated, mono no aware means “the pathos of things”, or “an empathy towards things.” At its root, it conveys an awareness of the ephemeral, a bittersweet acknowledgment that life, things, circumstances, and conditions are all fleeting.

The cherry blossom appearing in its alluring loveliness, only to fall to the ground in haste, is the quintessential metaphor for a beautiful existence that is both radiant and short-lived. There is almost a reverence placed on the sakura — its brief lifespan is regarded with wistfulness, and it is for that very same reason that the flower is considered more endearing.

To encapsulate its meaning in a few words — it is because things do not last that they matter.

This is why we strive to capture moments in our lives. We delight and find joy when we are able to capture a smile, an emotion, or an experience. We take photographs of every moment we don't want to forget; we commit to memory a love that blossomed, waxed, waned, or gone awry. We recall the bliss of knowing someone who has passed on, and carry the sorrow in our hearts, knowing we can no longer regain moments shared with them.

When Maxim passed on four years ago, I remembered how each one of us could not help but recall our last conversations, texts, and moments with him. The finality of his death lent the memory of our final encounters with him a bittersweet melancholy. His passing, while painful, made these last memories more cherished in some way, knowing we would never cross paths in this life again.

More recently, it was Angelita who reminded us of this truth. A mere few days after a get together with her beloved high school barkada Synchronicity, she breathed her last. Given that she was able to spend time with them one last time left me with thoughts of how that must have felt to all of them who were there: fleeting, but copious in meaning.

In the same manner, mono no aware finds its kindred spirit in the phrase ichigo ichie: One time, one meeting.

Just like Phil in Groundhog Day, each day he repeated was still, intrinsically, a once-in-a-lifetime encounter. If we think about it, are any two days ever the same? Situations and circumstances may be similar today as yesterday, but we ourselves are never precisely the way we were as the day before.

So, if with mono no aware, we acknowledge and appreciate the impermanence of the passing of all things, with ichigo ichie we are aware that the meaning of each moment lies not in its novelty, but in aspiring to be present.

Every jeepney ride going home, every catch-up with a friend, every laughter-filled conversation, and every reunion we attend is unique. All these moments will never happen in quite the same way again.

As my high school batch get ready to celebrate 40 years together, we know that not all will be present. Life has taken us in different directions and the chosen day may not suit everyone’s circumstances. Still, we might have other reservations about coming to the occasion.

I once heard someone say that reunions are only for the successful. But are they, really? We worry about being judged, but perhaps we are missing the point altogether. Reunions should not be about whether we have reached the highest points in our lives (that, after all, is subjective), but they should be about the roads we’ve traveled, the detours we’ve taken, and the stops we’ve had to make. Reunions are meant to remind us where we began and who we shared our journeys with. That once upon a time, we roamed the hallways of Quesci, hollered to friends in the quad, or hung out at the mini forest.

More importantly, we can take a cue from Phil Connors and be present in each moment that remains for us. And what better way to manifest this presence, than to get together once more on the day that marks our forty years as a batch. To be there is to also honor Norielle, Gerry, Jeanette, Jumela, Mark Anthony, Maxim, Joselito, Leonard, Manette, Jimmer, Reynaldo, Arnel, Ofelia, and Angelita. They are the ones who once walked beside us in school, whose voices were part of the echoes of our past.

Measured against eternity, our fortieth reunion is but a speck in our lifetimes of moments. As a cherry blossom blooms in a heartbeat, our gatherings are but passing clouds on the horizon. Let the memory of our shared yesterdays inspire us to value the brief time we have in our todays.

After all, we will never be exactly the same again — and that smile that momentarily grazes our lips as we see people we have not laid eyes on for days, weeks, months, and years, that is our ichigo ichie.